Friday, April 6, 2012

RETROGRADE REVIEWS Presents...

Sir Tim the Unsteady presents...                                               



ROGUES GALLERY

An appreciation of honorable and 

humane leadership


Originally elected: 20-3-2011

SCAR


"Life's not fair, is it? You see, I... well, I shall never be king. And you... shall never see the light of another day. Adieu. "

Voiced by the co-owner of the Greatest English Accent of All Time* Jeremy Irons, Scar is the velvet-toned despot behind the death of his brother, and the exile of his nephew. 

This is one stone cold mutha. He is willing to sacrifice anyone to achieve his goals, and even at the end, he is willing to betray his closest allies to save his own neck. it is safe to say that no tears were shed when he fell off that cliff.

THULSA DOOM


"Now they will know why they are afraid of the dark. Now they learn why they fear the night..."

James Earl Jones is already famous for voicing one of the most iconic villains of all time. 

Less well known, but equally memorable, is his performance as the villain of 1982's gloriously depraved CONAN THE BARBARIAN.

Not only does he have a cult of thousands at his command (including a harem the size of which Hugh Hefner would find excessive), he lives at the top of a mountain. Now that's tops. 

Okay you can stop groaning. The truth is, Jones owns this movie. Even though the hero is played by the future Terminator, Thulsa Doom regards his adversary with the bored gaze of a veteran prize fighter. He can smoke Conan seven different ways to Sunday, and proves it with an applaudable lack of scruples by killing his parents, killing his lover and crucifying the Cimmerian hardass to the well named Tree of Woe. 

JAFAR

"Strange how an unpleasant child can make a decent dog!" 

Chiefly known as the inspiration behind the antagonist of Disney's ALADDIN, this evil sorcerer outpoints his animated offspring for sheer deviousness and oily charm, not to mention some of the juiciest one liners in all of Arabia.

Played with forked tongue in cheek by the late, great Conrad Veidt (CASABLANCA), Jafar is the embodiment of pure malevolence from the moment he first slinks on screen. With a sociopath's true dedication, he sets about confounding and dethroning his vain and impetus King Ahmed (the ridiculously Anglo Saxon John Justin).

Whether charming the pants of a childish fellow Caliph, or tenderly attempting to woo the woman he loves, Jafar is the best at whatever he sets out to do (okay so I may have fibbed about the last bit since there is a bit of mind control involved there), easily upstaging the rest of the cast.

And to top it all off, he goes out like a champ, shot through the head with an arrow and plummeting to his death while escaping on a flying mechanical horse. What a guy! 

*shared with Liam Neeson and James Mason

No comments:

Post a Comment